It was my 4 year anniversary yesterday so I was thinking a lot about my relationship. Finding balance, moderation, and variety in your relationship is…difficult. Let’s be honest. But there are a few ways you can try to use these three tenants to strengthen your relationships. Here are a few tips I have found to be helpful.
Balance – you need to balance work, friends, and your significant other. When something tips too favorably in a direction away from that core relationship in your life, fighting ensues. Am I right? One thing my husband and I (try) to do is to compare schedules at the beginning of the week (generally Sunday evenings). If it is a particularly evening-commitment heavy week, we schedule a lunch. If work is crazy for both of us, we hire the dog walker. If one of us is feeling like we have been home-bound forever, we ensure that the other person gets in some friend time. We try to make the week as easy as possible for both of us separately and together.
Moderation – The relationship can’t be one-sided. We try to moderate the amount of activities chosen by one of us. For example, my husband loves sports. I do not care about them so much (and yes – that is me being polite). So, if March Madness has been taking over our lives, I try to offset March Madness with a show or concert that I am more interested in. We can’t only see shows and we can’t only watch sports. But a little bit of both goes a long way.
Variety – DON’T ONLY DO THE SAME THINGS. What is the definition of insanity according to Albert Einstein?” Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Why do we expect our relationships to change if we don’t change anything we are doing. Try new restaurants. Explore new areas. Take a class outside of your comfort zone together. See a therapist just to check in. Make new friends (but keep the old). If every Friday and Saturday night for the last 3 months, you have done the exact same thing (same meal, different movie maybe), do something crazy. Go dancing. Go to a jazz club. Just something that mixes it up a bit.
If you can find balance, moderation, and variety in your relationship, you are much more likely to be happy. Some weeks you might be more successful than others. That is ok. Don’t judge the bad times, focus on the future.
Oh…and a fabulous meal at a place like Restaurant Nora doesn’t hurt either. (Thank you Nora for the delicious food and commitment to organic, local, and sustainable food. We had a wonderful Anniversary meal!)
Here we are rolling cigars on our last vacation. Definitely different…
We want to hear from you? What are your tips or strategies to stay balanced?